The second trimester is just the greatest. I have none of the inconvenient symptoms of the first or third trimester. I have so enjoyed renewed energy and glowing skin!
But it’s also the end of this magical time. I can feel the third trimester approaching. I feel hormonal (emotions up and down). I need about 10 hours of sleep per night. I am nesting like crazy. And my belly is starting to feel cumbersome.
Let’s break this down.
A lot of my emotions are caused by obsessively over-analyzing C’s birth. I’ve had 2 appointments with my midwife so far, and while she provides a lot of valuable information, I admit that I leave feeling more stressed and confused than I was before. It’s stirring up a lot of the disappointment I felt surrounding my last labor and delivery. But I also feel less certain about what I want for the next labor and delivery.
What went wrong last time? If labor and delivery are natural bodily processes, why couldn’t I achieve them? What’s wrong with me? Or was it the hospital personnel who pushed me to get a Caesarean section so that they could feel better about supposedly worrying data? Whom can I trust anymore?!
The truth is, I can’t change what happened. I’d like to be able to manifest what I what I wanted to happen last time: a completely nonmedicated natural birth. But I’m not sure how to go about doing that. When something is bothering me, I tend to think about it a lot, as though that’s going to help solve the issue. But maybe in this case I just need to get out of my own head.
In case you couldn’t tell, I am not feeling at ALL positive or confident about this baby exiting my body.
Now, sleep. It’s been much easier in the second trimester. There have even been nights when I did not get up to pee! Woo hoo! I don’t think that’s going to last much longer. Even during the day, I have to pee all the time. At night, it’s starting to feel like a complicated maneuver to turn over in bed. If I fall asleep around 10:30, that’s ideal (I get up at 8:00). But sometimes I feel like I need way more time to wind down in the evening… so basically I sabotage sleep for entertainment and relaxation. Not good.
Although I am very much aware that the thing I am going to miss most when baby arrives is having a chill time in the evening. I really need that time to unwind and relax, and connect with Papa. A baby making herself known every 10 minutes is not conducive to the kind of atmosphere I need in the evening. But it will be only temporary!
Now on to nesting. It’s a beautiful thing. I already have a somewhat nesty personality, you might say. Especially with Covid and being home all the time, I’ve really gotten more into housework and decorating. Pregnancy just amps it up! Vacuuming and washing the floors feels really good right now. Even doing dishes and laundry feels really good right now!
But beyond housework, getting my ducks in a row has been a priority this past month. Even things I have been putting off for YEARS have gotten done. I also had a few appointments to make: health insurance woes, financial aid for families, financial aid for the insulation we need on our house, and the dentist. All stuff no one feels like confronting, but once you do, it just feels really good.
We even found 3 lost items in our house that had been missing for weeks (1 had been missing for over a year!).
Transitioning C from her crib to a bed was one of the things I wanted to check off my list during pregnancy, mainly because I need the crib for the next baby! But I didn’t want that to be too obvious for C. Fortunately, the transition has been going brilliantly. I still need to figure out some storage for her toys downstairs, which are currently occupying the playpen, which I need to recommission as well. I also need to figure out the sleeping situation for the first month with a newborn. For C, in just a couple of weeks I will be able to finally register her for school and I also need to… potty train her. Easier said than done!
As for my belly, it still doesn’t look enormous, but it soon will. Under my winter clothes, I just look fat. But I am starting to feel the weight, and I am starting to feel restricted in my movements. Changing my clothes is a balancing act. I already mentioned turning over in bed. Bending down for any reason, usually to pick stuff up off the floor, just annoys me. Walking my dog is becoming laborious. That’s the thing I regret the most.
I really consider my dog, Blue, to be my first child! We just love him so much. I am sure other pet owners can relate. But being pregnant with a toddler in tow somehow makes him seem even more like a child in the sense that he truly is a responsibility. Yes, I am happy to have this responsibility. But now I have way less time and energy than I did before. Even when it’s just the two of us at home, I feel so guilty that I can’t walk him or play with him how he wants and deserves. Anyone else feel this way?
Well, suffice it to say that pregnancy seems a lot more real now than it did six months ago. With birth only 3 months away, it’s really starting to hit me. All of it. And I’m sure I’m still quite naïve about it, because when this baby arrives, it’s really going to be wild! I definitely feel anxious about how we are going to cope with another child. But I comfort myself with the thought that we will have nearly 3 years’ experience to draw upon, and that can only benefit this new person. I want to feel really present for this last trimester of pregnancy, and at the same time, I can’t wait to meet her.
If you missed earlier installments of my pregnancy series, or if you want to keep up with subsequent months as they are published, click here.
Jessica is an American expat living the dream in Normandy. She is wife to a French hubby and mama to a Franco-American daughter, born in 2018, and one whippet. Passionate about all stages of writing, this Francophile created her blog in 2020 to help others navigate motherhood with a focus on conscious parenting and bilingual parenting. Bonne lecture !